Harry Potter And Another Bad Book Title
by dark-warrior6
Summary: For people who want laughs, love, and some good times, check out this story.
1. Crap, Another Day Of Classes

Harry Potter awoke with a groan on an early Monday morning at Hogwarts School of Bitchcraft and Blistering. "Crap! I have classes today!" exclaimed Harry. He slowly got out of bed and opened the curtains next to his bed. Hoping for a bright, new day, Harry only found that a lightning storm had come to Hogwarts. "Dammit, said Harry, why don't we get any good weather?"  
  
"Hey Harry!" said Ron, a good friend of Harry.  
  
"Oh, hi Ron!" exclaimed Harry. Beautiful day today isn't it?  
  
"What are you smoking?" asked Ron.  
  
"Whatever I can find in the potions classroom."  
  
"That was a joke Harry."   
  
"It was? Oh well. We should go to class. We have transfiguration first."  
  
So, Harry and Ron got dressed, grabbed their books and headed down into the common room. At the bottom of the stairs, another of Harry's friends was waiting. Her name was Hermione, who was a stuck up school girl. So anyways, these three friends were very close, in more than one way.   
  
"What took you guys so long?" asked Hermione.  
  
"We had a little discussion." answered Ron. "Harry has a little addiction problem."  
  
"Who would have known tail of newt had nicotine?" Harry said.  
  
The three friends made their way out of the common room and proceeded to the great hall for breakfast. Along the way Harry, Ron and Hermione went down many flights of stairs. Ron even accidentally ended up in the girls bathroom. Finally, after many confusing twists and turns, the trio arrived in the great hall.   
  
Harry took a look around the hall. Crabbe and Goyle were playing football with Nearly Headless Nick's head. Neville Longbottom was being beat up by Cho Chang, the girl that Harry likes. Professor Dumbledore and Professor Sprout were absent. Not much else was goin' down in the great hall.   
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione took a seat at the Gryffiindor table next to Ron's brothers, Fred and George.   
  
"Hello there!" exclaimed Fred. "You should see what's going on in the hallway near the Hufflepuff common room!"  
  
"What is it exactly?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Why don't you go find out for yourselves." George interrupted. "You should go quick. Breakfast won't be served for another fifteen minutes.  
  
"Okay then." said Harry. Lets go guys." 


	2. The Surprise

The great door closed behind the three friends as they travelled to the hallway near the Hufflepuff common room. As they got closer, they noticed a large crowd gathered near the wall. Harry split up from Ron and Hermione and pushed his way through to the front. To his horror and amazement, Professor Dumbledore and Professor Sprout were being intimate on the floor.   
  
"Professor!" exclaimed Harry. "What are you doing?"  
  
"You kids can have this kind of fun, said Dumbledore, so why can't we old folks do it too?"  
  
Harry shuddered, and then went to search for Ron and Hermione. Harry quickly ran through the crowd, craning his neck to see above the heads. Finally, he spotted them near the back of the large, frightened crowd.   
  
"Harry, whats going on?" asked Hermione. "We couldn't see a thing."  
  
"You wouldn't really want to know." Harry said. "It will give you nightmares. You will also have a whole different perspective on our headmaster."  
  
"Just tell us Harry!" Ron cut in.  
  
"Okay, if you insist..." Harry took a large breath. "Professor Dumbledore and Professor Sprout were making out."  
  
"C'mon Harry! Why did you tell us?"  
  
"Because you told me..."  
  
"No excuses! That's just nasty!"  
  
After that shocking incident, the friends silently walked back to the great hall. 


	3. The Morning Mail, Plus Crap

Hey everybody. My name is Travis and I kick ass! anyways, I edit my own work, and I try to make it funny. You've probably read my friends Harry Potter stories, such as Harry Potter and the Twisted Lovers, by Logo 13. Anyways, I'll be adding a little note at the top of my chapters from now on.  
  
The great hall was the same as it was before, except that Professor Dumbledore and Professor Sprout had returned.  
  
Harry and his two friends sat down at the Gryffindor table and started eating. There were many things to choose from. Harry saw bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, and he could swear he saw a house elf head at the Slytherin table. Another accident in the kitchen.  
  
Harry then found Fred and George. "Why did you guys know about the make out before we did? You must have been up really early!" Harry said.  
  
"Harry, if you want madskillz like us, you have to learn the ropes. said George. "We have extendable eyes and ears around the whole school. That bastard Filch keeps on taking them down though."  
  
"I see." replied Harry.   
  
Harry quickly gobbled down his meal and waited until Ron and Hermione were done. When they finished, Harry noticed something. Cho Chang walked into the great hall. Harry however wasn't looking at her, but at her rack. Wizards have to have fun sometimes don't they?  
  
Then something happened. Harry fell out of his chair and landed on the ground. Everyone laughed at him, even Cho. "What a hangover!" Harry said, as he got up.  
  
"Harry! Are you okay?" asked Hermione.  
  
"I'm alright baby! You wanna come make out?"  
  
"I think he's under the influence of newt tail again." said Ron.  
  
Just then, the morning mail arrived. Harry could spot Hedwig, even though he was wasted. The owl took a dive towards the Slytherin table and started releasing crap. One of them hit Draco Malfoy, the sinister villain. Hedwig then headed towards Harry. He dropped a package, and then flew off.   
  
Harry quickly got underneath the table and opened his package.   
  
"What is it Harry?" asked Ron.  
  
"Uh, it's uh.... I'll tell you later." Harry replied.  
  
"Okay." said Ron.  
  
Harry then picked up his books and headed to transfiguration. 


	4. Original Prankster

Hey everybody, it's me again. Please send some reviews. Im getting bored, and I need suggestions. Anyways, I think that I'm doing good so far. This chapter I'm going to make really funny, so get ready for some good times.  
  
Harry trudged up the stairs towards the transfiguration classroom. The halls were dark, and Harry thought he could hear a voice.   
  
"Seven days! Seven days!" it repeated.  
  
Harry took the voices for nothing, and continued towards his class.   
  
When he arrived, he only saw two people already there; Neville Longbottom and another random kid. Harry took a seat and laid his books on the table. He didn't really take a look at them when he purchased them, so he took a peek. The title of the first one was "How to Turn Your Brother Into a Pot Bellied Pig." The second book was entitled "Turning Crap Into Useful Items." By the time Harry looked up, class was started.  
  
"Take your seats, children." said Professor Mcgonagall. "Take out turning crap into useful items. You kids may have thought 'crap' meant 'junk,' but we are actually working with real crap. Today's lesson is turning my leftover cat crap into anything useful. You have thirty minutes to complete the assignment."  
  
"What a chatterbox!" Harry thought, as he grabbed a piece of Mcgonagall's cat crap.  
  
Harry opened the book and looke for 'cat crap' in the index. Sure enough, it was there.   
  
Harry then thought of a little joke. He admired the two Weasley brothers a lot, so he decided to pull a prank. He pulled out his wand and chanted, "Wingardium leviosa!"   
  
The cat crap hovered in the air, and slowly made it's way to where Professor Mcgonagall was sitting. Harry then released the spell, and the crap landed on her hat. She slowly stood up, and quickly threw off her now crap covered hat.  
  
"WHO HAS DONE THIS?!?" she yelled across the room. "No matter. I know a simple spell that will tell me who dropped the cat crap on my head.  
  
"Crap!" Harry thought. (Irony!)   
  
Professor Mcgonagall finished the spell, and a large hand circled around the room. It then pointed right at Harry Potter.   
  
"Mr. Potter! I would have expected better out of you! You will see me for a detention after supper." Mcgonagall screamed. "Class dismissed."  
  
Harry Potter slowly got out of his seat, and slunkily walked out of the room. "How did George and Fred do it so well?" Harry thought. 


	5. Detention

Okay people... I need reviews! So please take five seconds to do one. Did you like the prank? Hehehe. So, in the next few chapters I'll be giving info about myself. Your first bit of info: I'm 13.  
  
The whole day went by very slowly for Harry Potter. All he thought about was his detention that night. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that Harry didn't even notice the spitballs in his hair, delivered straight from Malfoy.   
  
The only good part of Harry's day was when he got back to his room after the last class. You may be wondering about the package that Harry received earlier. Well, it was a Playboy magazine. When back in Privet Drive, Harry stole Uncle Vernon's issue and took out a subscription order. He paid with the money he stole from Dudley.   
  
Dinner came, and then was gone. Harry then made the long journey to Mcgonagalls classroom. She was waiting at her desk. Harry slowly approached.  
  
"Harry Potter, your detention is to give me your Playboy magazine." Mcgonagall said.  
  
"Hey!" Harry replied, "How did you know?"  
  
"I know many things Mr. Potter," she said, I know what you did last summer."  
  
Harry screamed, threw the magazine on the desk, and ran out of the room. The door magically closed behind him. Out of curiosity, Harry put his ear up against the door. What he heard was very nasty. From Harry's very vast knowledge, he concluded that his transfiguration teacher was jacking off.  
  
"I've had enough for one day." Harry thought, and then headed back to the Gryffindor common room. 


	6. What Happened To Voldemort

That last chapter was just weird. Like what the hell was I thinking? I'll try to make this one a little more convincing than the last one.  
  
Voldemort sat in his chair and waited. He waited for many things, but the thing he wanted most was Harry Potter, who had reduced him to this wretched baby form. He looked like a mere child, when he should really look a evil! Voldemort really needed a break. Killing people was getting harder these days.  
  
Voldemort had many followers, but they all left him when he got drunk at the evil baddies bash last night. Without any followers Voldemort would have to create his almighty evil empire all over again. If only he hadn't chugged that keg.  
  
"What a major hangover!" He said.   
  
Voldemort hopped out of his evil chair and crawled down the evil hall into his evil bedroom. Things were getting harder for Voldemort because he was living with his aunt and uncle.  
  
Then he took out a pad and paper and took a note:  
  
"Kill them when they are sleeping."  
  
"Very good." Voldemort thought to himself.  
  
  
  
* * * * *  
  
Back at Hogwarts school of Bitchcraft and Blistering, things were the same every single day. (How did J.K. Rowling actually make the same thing every day interesting?) Oh wait, last Thursday Harry saw Cho in the great hall, today he didn't.   
  
Hermione was still working on the house elves in the kitchen problem. She felt sorry for them, so she made them clothes, toys and even weapons. That might explain the house elf head at the first day.... But still Hermione thought she was doing a good job. Harry and Ron thought she was crazy. The week after the detention Harry got his Playboy back from Dumbledore. Apparently, it had cycled thorugh all of the teachers. Harry locked it in his trunk, and din't look at it again. (Yeah right!)  
  
Harry received a letter the following day, at breakfast time. It was from Playboy magazine, cancelling his subscription.   
  
"Why do things just keep getting worse!" Harry thought.  
  
Just then, Hedwig flew over the Gryffindor table and let one go. It landed right on Harry's head, slided down his face and into his shirt. Then Cho walked by, laughed at Harry and went to tell all of her friends.   
  
"Spoke to soon eh Harry!" Hagrid said.  
  
"Fuck you Hagrid." Harry said in response.  
  
"Im gonna rip you apart!" Hagrid said menacingly.  
  
Harry ran to his room and stayed there. The day passed in a flash (literally) and Ron finally came in for bed.   
  
"Goodnight Harry!" said Ron.  
  
Harry shivered, thinking about Hagrid. 


End file.
